Why life’s been humbling lately

When I worked in schools, I knew many kids being raised by someone other than their biological parent. 

Unless they told me directly, I didn’t always know why these families looked the way they did or the circumstances they were going through. 

When I started in social work research over six years ago, I learned about the term “kinship caregiver.” 

I had never heard it before. 

But as soon as I learned what it was – a relative or person from a child’s close network who takes them in and raises them as their own when their parents are unable to – I realized how many of them I knew. 

I first thought of Ms. Jenny, who was raising her great-granddaughter and was at our elementary school every day to participate, learn from our programming, and volunteer. 

Then, I thought about numerous students I knew over the years who were being raised by neighbors or aunts or others, whose caregivers were struggling with their behaviors and doing their best to keep them safe and engaged in school. 

But until I got to spend time with kinship caregivers in focus groups and at events my previous job held, I didn’t realize just how much these families were going through behind the scenes. 

Trauma, financial struggles, behavioral and medical challenges, learning difficulties, and – tying them all together – having to navigate incredibly complex systems with little guidance but many roadblocks to getting the support they needed. 

Recently, we’ve been going through a lot with my own child. Nothing like what I’ve heard from so many caregivers, but enough to give me a real taste of what they’re going through. 

My daughter has been dealing with some ongoing (but treatable) health issues since the fall. 

It’s been so hard. On her and on us. 

On top of that, we’re running into issues finding her a kindergarten placement because Ohio quietly changed the law about eligibility dates, which is making it so much harder for kids with fall birthdays to start this year. 

When we found this out in January, the plans we had for her this coming school year suddenly came crashing down. 

And now, months later, we’re still navigating public and private options, bouncing between appointments every week for school tours and testing for her.

In between doctor’s appointments. 

Saying it’s been a lot is an understatement. 

But at the end of the day, my kid is going to be fine. And we will get through this. Both of these issues, while challenging and stressful, are temporary. 

It makes me think of caregivers, whose struggles may not be as temporary, whose situations are far more severe and trying, and whose resources are fewer than ours.

My empathy for their journeys has increased exponentially. 

And this has been a humbling experience for me.

It is a powerful reminder that child- and family-serving systems are working with people in their most vulnerable states, from all walks of life, who are desperate for guidance, resources, support, and validation. 

Throughout our current journey, I’ve also experienced the helplessness of people working in these systems who wish they could help but are bound by policies or laws that they didn’t create. 

But their kindness, understanding, and information still go a long way. 

So to those of you going to work every day to support families during hard times, thank you. 

And to the families, parents, and caregivers going through those tough times, I see you and hope things get easier soon.